Ode to the IPU

O, Unicorn

Invisible and Pink

Her whinnies would make my heart cry out

let Her come and prance in my washing machine

stain my whites pink and poke holes into my socks

with Her shining horn

Those others would not know the sound of Thy

beautiful hooves on softened terrain

For who is there but the Invisible Pink Unicorn?

The Galloping Goddess Who

Haunts my dreams?

Ignoramuses who care naught but for their false deities—

they should bow down before Thee

and cry in shame

O, Unicorn

the Invisible and Pink

let those who do not see You find truth

and believe

for there is none but Her

and for those who cannot believe

let the Purple Oyster (of Doom) gobble you

and turn you into Purple Pearls

serving him for eternity

And as it is said by the holy Web Site’s

New Revised Amalgamated Standard Creed:

“We believe in One Unicorn

The Pink

The Invisible

Creator of Uncertainty

revealed to us. . .

She that Raptures Socks

She will smite those that mock Her brethren.

Others believe baloney

we too will join the feast

We shall eat our fill

yea every belly shall be full of ham and pineapple pizza

Her Revelations show us the folly

of all Religions.

Spread Her Word.”

O, Invisible Pink Unicorn

it is true what Thy Holy Llamas and High Priestesses speak

and we shall bow down to You

the One true Goddess

Whose number is 42

Who commands us to eat Ham and Pineapple Pizza

Who begs us to spread Her word

for She is the One

as there is no other

and there never could be

(except maybe the Flying Spaghetti Monster)

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