Faces

I have a massive problem with faces.

This does not mean that I will hold anything against you if you possess one. It just means that I tend to embarrass myself with them.

I often mistake people for other people. Also, I have, many times, mistaken certain actors in movies for other actors. I can never be certain if, when a person is wearing makeup, they are a particular individual or not.

This is, as one might imagine, uncomfortable. I end up saying “Oh, look, it’s that guy who was in Insert Movie/TV show Title Here” when it really isn’t. It’s stupid and awkward. I try to forget about it and hope other people will too. I’m not as open about times I have done stupid things to myself, and tend to get a little defensive if people bring it up again–which isn’t often, because generally I really did forget that one time when we did that thing. I have a lot going in my brain, and I cannot keep track of everything.

Also, I have to see a complete face before I recognize the person, and I’d like to hear them talk before I approach them–if I actually want to. Noses and chins really get me. And if you have approximately the same hairstyle and coloring of someone I saw a while ago and are roughly the same build–I’ll probably think you’re them. I’m really sorry, world. Faces are confusing. It’s not fair for any of us.

And I do stupid things. When I was little, I had a sort-of friend who was Greek Orthodox. He invited me to the festival at his church to watch him dancing in his costume. When I saw him wearing unfamiliar clothes and performing an unfamiliar dance, at first, I didn’t recognize him. Then, horribly, I avoided him. Because I wasn’t entirely sure it was the same boy.

During conversations, there is a lot to keep track of. Facial expressions are more of a distraction, and generally I’d like to hear what you have to say without getting exhausted or confused or uncertain of what you just said. So, unconsciously, I look away every now and then. Sometimes for extended periods of time. I didn’t know about it until a friend mentioned it to me a few months ago. I was shocked. And I get it, it’s awkward. Again, I am sorry. I’m not being picky, I’m not being mean, I’m just being an introvert. It’s pretty tiring. If you don’t understand it, there are plenty of people who do, so you can probably talk to them.

I’m just tired of having to explain my bizarre problems over and over again.